It's (edit: not) Black Friday, and I'm lazy, and this is a repost from 6 years ago, but it's a Dave joke and I just feel like putting this out there again, so I'm gonna and there's nothing you non-existent readers can do to stop me.
Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"
"No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."
So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and Tom Cruise shouts, "Dave! What's happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!"
Although impressed, Dave's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky.
"No, no, just name anyone else," Dave says.
"President Bush," his boss quickly retorts. "Yup," Dave say's, "Old buddies, let's fly out to Washington and off they go. At the White House, Bush spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."
Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else.
"The Pope," his boss replies.
"Sure!" says Dave. "I've known the Pope for years." So off they fly to Rome.
Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican's St. Peter's Square when Dave says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."
He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican.
Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Making his way to his boss' side, Dave asks him, "What happened?"
His boss looks up and says, "It was the final straw ... you and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, "Who the f*k is that on the balcony with Dave?"
Stolen from Bits and Pieces
Friday, November 28, 2014
Tuesday, November 25, 2014
Addendum: Okay, the hints not enough, because the above-linked quiz doesnt actually contain the photo which I "fixed". Here's the story: There's this quiz, above, testing how "OCD" you are. It contains 11 photos which ask you to rate your level of discomfort with. I came out perfectly sane, not because the situations in those photos wouldnt have made me crazy, but because they were photos. I could see the wrongness, but there was nothing I could do, and so nothing to worry about. Dont fret over what you cant fix.
Then I remembered Photoshop.
And was compelled to fix it. Yes, I could have ignored it. I really could have, I swear. I resisted fixing all the images in the quiz, didnt I? I fixed it largely as a joke, which sadly, I'm not sure anyone got, because nobody made comment on how I actually fixed the problem rather than being bugged by it; and how much more "OCD" (as it is popularly defined these days) can you get than fixing a photo from a website?
Seriously. That's just nuts.
I'm glad I'm not that crazy.
More Addendum: Okay, maybe just one.