quote for the day

The reasons why the Republicans do what they do and Catches 23 through Catch 38

Langer: What are Standard Accounting Practices?

Mr. Data: A simple 100-year old method of placing earnings in one box and expenditures in another. At the end you know whether you personally or a company you work for made or lost money.

Langer: When President Clinton left office there was a substantial surplus. The new president, George W. Bush quickly translated this to a deficit. Did he use Standard Accounting Practices?

Mr. Data: He simply forgot to pay for the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. It was an honest mistake. He put all the costs in a large box and threw the box into the Potomac River.

Langer: Is this possible?

Mr. Data: Now it is. You simply compile all the costs in an envelope – a large one – and say emphatically all the figures tabulated are either imaginary or let’s discuss this again – never. This is one of the newer of the Standard Accounting Practices.

Langer: President Bush cut taxes for the rich. Why did he do this?

Mr. Data: It’s better politically to cut taxes than to raise them. He cut taxes.

Langer: But isn’t this one of the reasons for the deficit?

Mr. Data: SO?

Langer: Does he go on to explain this?

Mr. Data: Si. He blames it on the Democrats.

Langer: Could he do this?

Mr. Data: Using the new Standard Accounting Practices it is perfectly legal to blame the Democrats for anything that happened, could happen or anything anyone thought about for more than ten seconds.

Langer: Do the Republicans blame our lack of steady jobs, the deficit, Social Security, Medicare, Obamacare, bank bailouts, problems in Greece, Italy and Spain on the Democrats?

Mr. Data: Of course.

Langer: Can they do this?

Mr. Data: Do birds fly?

Langer: I know about the Bill of Rights but what are the Catch 23-through 29 Exceptions.

Mr. Data: They are the Heart and Soul of the current Republican Party.

Langer: Catch 23?

Mr. Data: Republicans can say anything and their statements are True. Democrat statements are False.

Langer: Give me an example?

Mr. Data: The Deficit is the fault of the Democrats. It is, in actuality, the ability of the Republicans to count 4 + 4 and reach 9.

Langer: That is Catch 23? Can they rewrite basic math?

Mr. Data: Of course – because of Catch 24 which clearly states anybody yelling louder than the other guy is telling the Truth.

Langer: Catch 25?

Mr. Data: Republicans can buy all the television time they want to because the Supreme Court has ruled that Corporations are people and do not have to say who has given them money or why.

Langer: But that’s unfair.

Mr. Data: What planet are you from?

Langer: Catch 26?

Mr. Data: Republican corruption doesn’t count. Democrat corruption not only counts but has morally bankrupted the country.

Langer: Catch 27?

Mr. Data: Republicans can say they are against torture while torturing people. For example former Vice President Cheney can shoot a friend at close range but this doesn’t count. He can say he was personally responsible for finding and killing Osama bin Laden.

Langer: But in ten years the Republicans never found Osama bin Laden.

Mr. Data: That doesn’t matter.

Langer: (A little groggily) Catch 28?

Mr. Data: All Republican candidates can say Anything and Everything is the fault of the Democrats.

Langer: Pawlenty, Romney, Newt and all the others can say anything they want to without contradiction?

Mr. Data: Democrats cannot answer back but can say quietly President Obama was born in Hawaii and is an American citizen.

Langer: Democrats seem to be saying that Republican voters can be racist in attitude because the president is black.

Mr. Data: According to Catch 29 Republicans are declared color blind while Democrats are considered fascist, socialist and communist.

Langer: Catch 30?

Mr. Data: Republican corporations are often considered Too Big to Fail and bailed out with government funds. This is to be considered the fault of the Democrats even though started by the Republicans.

Langer: Catch 31?

Mr. Data: Rating Agencies such as Standard & Poor’s or Moody’s can look at bundles that contain people who can afford their mortgages and people who cannot afford their mortgages and provide the combination with High Financial Ratings. Thus the Real Estate melt-down.

Langer: Are Republicans ever responsible for corporate failures?

Mr. Data: Rarely. Catch 32 clearly states that Higher-Ups are not responsible for their actions but Democrats are.

Langer: Catch 33 through Catch 38?

Mr. Data: Just in case Catches. The Republicans are prepared for any eventuality.

PS: Recovering from Open Heart surgery gives you distinct insights into the role of government today. I believe Thoreau went through the same process for other reasons.

warren-langer@att.net

Still Liberal at 83

a comment by Warren Langer from this article. It didnt apply directly to the article, but I enjoyed it anyway. And, no, I dont know who who Mr. Data is, but I'm not assuming it to be a Star Trek reference.