Thursday, October 06, 2005


Imagine this scene in the Bush Household, circa 1950:

"Mo-om! George wont share his blocks with me!"
"I'm sorry Neil, those are George's blocks and you have no right to them. It is a moral imperitive that he keep all those blocks to himself. Did you earn those blocks? If Little George has the discipline to have blocks, and you dont, well, that's just tough luck for you, isnt it?
"But, Mo-om, that's not fair! Do something!"
"Oh, no, that would be wrong. Forcing someone to share their hard-earned blocks would make me a meddlesome do-gooder, and what kind of lesson would that be to teach you? If you want blocks, you'll just have to earn them."
From the children's wing we hear the sounds of a tussle, then the approaching cry of a small boy...
"Mo-om! Neil stole my blocks!"
"Nonsense, Georgie dear. He was simply following his own self-interest to its logical and Moral conclusion. He wanted something, and you had it. Since he was able to take it away from you, obviously you didnt have the discipline to keep it, and so you dont deserve it."
"Waaaa! When is Daddy getting Home, He'll make Everything Better (sniff-sniff)."
"Now dear, you leave your Father alone when he gets home. He works so hard to afford this fabulous sea-side estate. Why, just the other day he was showing me a callous that he got on his pencil finger while checking over his secretaries' typing. Poor man!"
(sound of door opening, then closing, then in walks George H. W. Bush)
"Hi Honey. Gee, it's great to be home! Hey little Georgie, what's the matter?"
"Neil stole my blocks!"
"Now, now, what have we taught you?"
"I know, I know, Neil didnt steal my blocks, I just didnt have the discipline to keep them."
"That's right, Georgie, that's my boy. Only good, disciplined little boys get to have nice blocks. But golly, you look so sad! I know, we'll send the maid out to get you some more blocks, but this is the last time I'm going to bail you out, okay?"
"Gosh, Daddy, you're the bestest Daddy in the whole world, I hope I grow up to be just like you."
"Well, Georgie, that's very sweet, but when you grow up, make sure you're stronger than me. I'm just too soft (where is that damn maid?), always giving people things they didnt earn, that's me. Yep, too soft (she's gettin too old, need to fire her slow movin' Negro ass, get me a Puerto Rican maid)."
The door swings open, and in walks young Jeb. "Daddy, you're home!"
"Hey Jeb, boy."
"Daddy, do we have to go to Texas next week?"
"Yes, son, yes we do. Your Mama wants to set up a Dynasty, and we're gonna need the kind of powerful myth-making environment that Maine just cant provide."
"But Da-ad, it's ho-ot! And there's all those brown people!"
"Hey, none of that! Those brown people will be working for you some day. Besides, you might even like'em, a little, and their women can be very pretty."
"Well, I dont want to go and you cant make me!"
H. W. stands up, and pulls off his belt. "Boy, dont you sass me! As far as you're concerned, I am God! A Father is Always Right!!!" He starts spanking Jeb. "This hurts me more than it hurts you! But it's necessary to convince you that Authority is never to be questioned. What did I say, Kids?"
Chorus, one of whom is crying: "Authority is never to be Questioned!"
"Who's the Authority?"
"But Daddy, how do you get authority?"
"That's easy, Georgie. Money! Money is Authority."
"Will I be an Authority someday, Daddy?"
"Sure, Son. Just get good grades, be a success in business, and demonstrate your military prowess."
"Gosh, Daddy, that sounds hard."
"Of course it is, but I was only kidding. Dont you worry son, hard work is for ordinary people, and all it does is make us money! Isnt that great! No, you just relax, Daddy's got a lot of friends who'll make sure you grow up to be a Big Daddy, just like me, only Stronger!"
"Yay! Daddies are the bestest things in the whole world!"


G said...

This is brilliant. Going to link to it. Thanks,


Whinger said...

This made me laugh and laugh.

Enjoying your blog, which I found through Kyahgirl.