with friends like these...

First of all, a disclaimer: In the following post I am speculating, not endorsing. I say this because years from now I dont want one of my daughters to show it to me and say something like, "You wrote this in 2006, so why is this bad for me now?" I'm sure after I've had a good lie-down I'll be really proud of her for having the gumption to both find the article and ask me about it, but, my dear, it is still speculation.


By now, you've probably all heard the term "friends with benefits". It refers to a practice among young people of having sexual relationships with those whom one has friendship, but no romantic involvement. In theory this results in "no strings attatched" sex, without the pressures of dating, or any other relationship commitment.
This isnt really anything new, certainly when I was in high school there was at least one crowd that engaged in casual sex amongst themselves, without any real feeling other than the hormonal pleasure of it. But apparently the scale of the thing has grown quite a bit since back in the day.
But really, how suprised should anyone be about this kind of thing? On top of their already raging hormones, modern teens must also deal with a constant barrage of media telling them just how great and important Sex is to Life. In America, money may be our god, but sex is our icon.
Every other commercial is a seduction. Some are just short of pornography (and if you've ever watched a cheap porno film, you'll recognise many commercials as being very much like the beginning of one). Inexplicable attraction and near rape caused by product usage, shampoo-derived orgasms, sexual favors bestowed upon the bearer of whatever product is being hawked; these are par for the course in the world advertisers, where nothing is not for sale.

This isnt new information, you've heard before, usually accompanied by a "what's wrong with our children?" diatribe/plea, perhaps on the evening news, or perhaps in your Daily Newspaper, in the "lifestyle" section, sandwiched between an ad for the latest teen sex comedy and an article about the latest fashion trends (cleavage is back!).
My twist here is that I'm going to say that this is not a sign of a breakdown of morals in American society.
Okay, maybe it is, but not the way most people think it is. The breakdown has already happened. The breakdown is the sexualization of nearly everything in our society, not because we're a nation of nyphomaniacs, but because we're a nation of voyeurs led by the nose by the lying minions of the Ad Council. We wallow in our Extreme Culture, chanting the mantra "if it feels good, do it", while, like junkies, searching for a bigger thrill as the old thrill grows staler everytime we see someone else doing it also.
Of course our children engage in regular, pre-mature, sexual activity. To expect anything different is like expecting someone to stay dry while being thrown in the ocean. They are soaked in sexuality, in their music, television, movies, even toys (seen Bratz dolls?). Almost all this sexuality is in the form of commerce, and rarely in a form of anything resembling caring intimacy.

Even Victorian-era teens often managed to have sex. There's a whole generation of writers (mostly male) who've written stories, plays, movies, books, and songs that involve losing their virginity (the older ones usually to either a hooker or their small town's "experienced" older female, the younger to the "unavailable" class beauty). Consider my own "older" generation, where almost nobody who's had pubic hair from the 70's onward kept their virginity intact until marriage.

So here are these kids. Sex is no big deal to them, having been surrounded by it all their lives. And they live in culture which values jadedness, so they must, at all time, appear to be cool, about sex especially. Why especially? Because one must be cool in the face of adversity, and one of the facets of sexuality they've grown up with is that it's a right messy bitch. Nothing causes problems faster and harder than sex, and while they may not have any experience telling them why this is true, they've seen enough stories to know that somehow it is true.
So, how does one go about avoiding the pain of the mess we call sex, while getting all the good parts that they've been told about over and over, by both the culture and their hormone-racked bodies? Suddenly, having sex with someone you already trust seems like a much better idea, doesnt it?

Oh, I know.
It doesnt really work out. Sex changes everything, regardless of what people might say. Friends, strangers, third cousins twice removed, everything reverberates after sex, shimmying like the San Andreas and causing almost as much destruction to whatever you thought you knew.
Not that that stops most of us. Or even should.

Of course, if you've got kids, especially if you've got girls, all this cerebrating means nothing when you consider the horrible, horrible idea of your child having sex!
'Cause really, you'll kill the little bastard who touches your baby inappropriately.

Breath. 10, 9, 8, 7...

Anyway, my point is that perhaps we're not looking at this issue from the right angle. Maybe, instead of a sign of the apocalypse, it's more of a coping mechanism.
Think about it.

And put those shotgun shells away, dammit.